I sat already 3 hours at the computer trying to find some information about Joshua's amnesia and what could cause it. All my efforts to find any logical explanation were in vain. It was possible to think that suddenly Joshua went off his head, but amnesia isn't typical for the insanity. "Then what?" I thought. "Dexter's theory about vampires?" I was close to the insanity myself. And not only for this... Honestly I felt very bad inside. After the last meeting with Dexter I realized that nothing has changed. I wanted to be with Joshua and loved Dexter. But that love was always with me and I didn't know how to explain that. Dexter was like a part of me. My another half. Being together we felt so good... But then what about Joshua? I also loved him! I also wanted him and even saw us in the future! And suddenly BOOM! Joshua doesn't know who I am... Then I turn to his caretaker! And what... If he'll never get his memory back? If I'll stay a stranger to him forever? It scared me and pushed me into the desperation. But I knew that I can't be weak. So I tried to be patient and good boyfriend to Joshua. It wasn't easy and I'm not sure if it helped me.
So that morning was depressed like other mornings before. Nothing's new. I stood up and went to living room to read something. But how you can concentrate when you are full of the sadness and your thoughts are far away? But finally I could let myself to be weak and wipe a tear away.
So that morning was depressed like other mornings before. Nothing's new. I stood up and went to living room to read something. But how you can concentrate when you are full of the sadness and your thoughts are far away? But finally I could let myself to be weak and wipe a tear away.
Later I went to the kitchen and started to prepare the breakfast for Joshua. It was my daily routine now.
No, it wasn't hard to be careful and loving boyfriend, I even liked it... I was just very sad. And maybe felt a bit lonely.
When I heard Joshua's steps I sincerely rejoiced. It was a good chance to forget your sadness and all troubles even for short.
"Good morning, baby!" I said and kissed his cheek, when he entered the kitchen.
"Morning..." He answered with sleepy voice.
When I heard Joshua's steps I sincerely rejoiced. It was a good chance to forget your sadness and all troubles even for short.
"Good morning, baby!" I said and kissed his cheek, when he entered the kitchen.
"Morning..." He answered with sleepy voice.
Then Joshua stepped back and looked around snuffing the air.
"What smells here?"
"Don't you like it?" I smiled. "I prepared a Spagetti like you like..."
"Hmmm... I don't think I like Spagetti..."
I looked at Joshua surprised.
"But, baby... It's one of your favorite meals!" I chuckled.
"Ok... But did I ask you to make Spagetti?"
"Well... I thought you'll be glad..." I mumbled feeling offended and underestimated.
"Stop being my nanny! I am adult enough to take care about myself, OK?"
Here my patience ended.
"If you are such adult and independent person, then stop act like a kid, Josh!"
"Who acts like a kid?!"
"Listen, baby! I'm tired always walk after you and care about you as if you were five years old, so now you'll make everything yourself!"
"What smells here?"
"Don't you like it?" I smiled. "I prepared a Spagetti like you like..."
"Hmmm... I don't think I like Spagetti..."
I looked at Joshua surprised.
"But, baby... It's one of your favorite meals!" I chuckled.
"Ok... But did I ask you to make Spagetti?"
"Well... I thought you'll be glad..." I mumbled feeling offended and underestimated.
"Stop being my nanny! I am adult enough to take care about myself, OK?"
Here my patience ended.
"If you are such adult and independent person, then stop act like a kid, Josh!"
"Who acts like a kid?!"
"Listen, baby! I'm tired always walk after you and care about you as if you were five years old, so now you'll make everything yourself!"
"Wait... What I said wrong? Why are you making drama? i just don't want to eat your Spagetti!"
"So don't eat it! I made it and I will eat it!" I grabbed a plate not hiding my anger and sat at the bar to eat.
"Oh my God! It's ridiculous! You got mad only because that?!" Joshua laughed.
"It's not funny, Josh! Because you even don't understand what's going with you!"
"And what's going with me? Whether something is going with you?" Joshua chuckled.
He didn't look confused, lost and something like this. But he was different. He was Joshua I didn't know.
"Stop it, Josh!" I said. "Just do what you want, OK?!"
Joshua didn't say me any word. He stood up and went to take a plate. I felt how he looks at me. If even he tried to make it up my mood was already ruined. I knew it was nothing, nonsense, but I hardly could hold my tears and felt very embarrassed against Joshua, especially when he acted like some self-confident macho.
"You don't have to eat it if you don't want..." I said.
Joshua didn't answer me. He pretended that he doesn't hear me. I also didn't say him anything... He ate Spagetti and I knew that he does it intentionally. So we were two strangers and this thought made me feel even more bad. I just wanted to disappear somewhere... But I still was here.
Joshua didn't answer me. He pretended that he doesn't hear me. I also didn't say him anything... He ate Spagetti and I knew that he does it intentionally. So we were two strangers and this thought made me feel even more bad. I just wanted to disappear somewhere... But I still was here.
Could amnesia change Joshua as personality?