LII. Joshua: lost in the dream
I almost don't leave home. In fact, I don't really know where to go. The world is so weird ... You're sleeping in your bed and suddenly find yourself just somewhere else, among strange people. Everything resembles a dream. Scary dream. But you know that it will quickly be gone, and then everything will be different. At first, you feel very bad and you have awful pains in stomach, you vomit and feel like after good hangover, but later everything will pass and you'll be able to watch movies again. Yes, I really like cinema. Especially horror movies and movies about the aliens. But such movies like "Simder" aren't bad, too. I can watch the TV the whole day. If even it gets boring. In any case, it's better than thinking of what they are doing to you...
I live with a guy named Lucien. He is weirdo. He told me that he was or is my boyfriend. But honestly, I think he has too rich imagination. I thought he wants to seduce me and I really didn't mind it, but he rejected me even a few times. And he always tries to find something in Internet, he thinks that I am ill with some stupid amnesia and he tries to find how to help me to regain my memory. I think he is sick himself. Although... I am not sure about anything.
And here is another guy. Another weirdo. His name is Dexter. When I said him Hi he laughed and said me that we've already met before. When? Do they think I am crazy?
And he looks at me as if I should be comforted or very sympathized. It sucks.... I guess he and Lucien really think I am cuckoo.
There is something going between them. Once I saw how they made out. I felt a bit oddly. It's not because I felt jealous, but... It was just odd. It's like they reminded me something. But I can't tell what's that.
That's why he rejected me I guess. He did it for him, Dexter.
That's why he rejected me I guess. He did it for him, Dexter.
Well, I don't mind. I date Avani. I think she's in love with me. Especially she likes to do jigga-jigga with me and then she tells me such weird things... It's funny. Sometimes I don't understand her well, but who cares when you are busy with something else?
We often go somewhere for dinner. She likes to be treated like a queen and she likes money and luxury. Luckily, I always have money. Lucien cares of me like about his own kid or younger brother, so my wallet isn't empty.
I would like to live with Avani, but she says that it's impossible now. It's strange... But she promised she will think about it in the future. Luckily, I have my own home and live with Lucien and Dexter...
I would like to live with Avani, but she says that it's impossible now. It's strange... But she promised she will think about it in the future. Luckily, I have my own home and live with Lucien and Dexter...
And when the sadness and fear start to haunt me then I make the drinks and drink until I feel happy. I drink a lot. When you are drunk you stop to care about everything.
Mostly my mornings are horrible. Especially, if I spent the whole night somewhere else. I always feel so bad... I just want to cry and I do... That pain in my stomach is horrible. After such nights I don't want to look at the food.... I just sit in the kitchen with closed eyes and try to assure me that it was just a dream. All these weird people aren't real. However, I remember them not always. I forget everything very quickly. Especially if I get drunk.
So these two think that I am wacky. But I am not... I just hate myself and this world, I feel like a stranger here! Lucien told me many times that I've changed... I think he rambles. I am who I am. I couldn't change. I just can't remember myself different.
The only thing I just wish that I could hide from them. Once I hid in the wardrobe, but they still found me... They laughed at me and said that's impossible to hide from them. They marked me... So what will be with me? Will they kill me? It's so scary to me... So scary... But maybe all it's just a dream? If yes, then someone wake me up, please!
The only thing I just wish that I could hide from them. Once I hid in the wardrobe, but they still found me... They laughed at me and said that's impossible to hide from them. They marked me... So what will be with me? Will they kill me? It's so scary to me... So scary... But maybe all it's just a dream? If yes, then someone wake me up, please!