To find a small apartment in Newcrest for Joshua wasn't hard, but it didn't help me to feel better. All what happened in The Bluffs island made me even more confused. I loved Joshua, but I also had very special bond with Dexter, we're so attracted to each other. Yes, it was different than with Joshua, I felt even more confused for this. I didn't know how to accept this what has happened in The Bluffs island. What's that? Is it a desire or something else?
I and Dexter even didn't contact two days. I knew he felt confused like me. He felt rejected, although I didn't want that. Dexter's my best friend, my soul twin and I knew that no one can change him like no one could change Joshua. So I felt as is someone tried me to tear me half. It was very hard to me.
That morning when Joshua had to move in his new home I almost couldn't take anything in my mouth and food seemed totally tasteless to me. I ate just because I had to eat.
I and Dexter even didn't contact two days. I knew he felt confused like me. He felt rejected, although I didn't want that. Dexter's my best friend, my soul twin and I knew that no one can change him like no one could change Joshua. So I felt as is someone tried me to tear me half. It was very hard to me.
That morning when Joshua had to move in his new home I almost couldn't take anything in my mouth and food seemed totally tasteless to me. I ate just because I had to eat.
Joshua and I avoided each other and tried to talk as less as possible. We both felt bad and even if he had wanted to tell me something I doubt if I'd managed to quietly listen to him. But that morning I knew that I'll not avoid the conversation with Joshua. We needed it.
When I went to bathroom I heard how my phone did ring. It was Dexter's message. I felt relieved and even smiled reading his message. It meant he wasn't angry at me.
Hey, Lucien... I hope all is fine? I'm sorry if I offended you. It wasn't my goal. Call or text me when you can.
I smiled and texted him back.
Hi, Dexter... Yep, all is fine. Thanks for caring about me. I'll call you later.
When I went to bathroom I heard how my phone did ring. It was Dexter's message. I felt relieved and even smiled reading his message. It meant he wasn't angry at me.
Hey, Lucien... I hope all is fine? I'm sorry if I offended you. It wasn't my goal. Call or text me when you can.
I smiled and texted him back.
Hi, Dexter... Yep, all is fine. Thanks for caring about me. I'll call you later.
"Lucien!" I heard Joshua's voice.
"Give me ten minutes!" I shouted.
"OK!"
"So that moment came..." I sighed taking my dressing-gown off. But it was my decision and I didn't want to change it.
"Give me ten minutes!" I shouted.
"OK!"
"So that moment came..." I sighed taking my dressing-gown off. But it was my decision and I didn't want to change it.
"Baby..." Joshua pressed me gently against the glass wall. "We can change all if you'll give one more chance... Please..."
I sighed turning my face away.
I sighed turning my face away.
"Look at me, please...." Joshua raised my face by chin. "I know I messed up and I regret for everything I did... Please, Lucien... I love you.."
"I love you, too..." I said silently looking at his eyes.
"I love you, too..." I said silently looking at his eyes.
"Then why we have to do that?" He asked rubbing my chin.
I pushed Joshua gently away.
"Because we have to think, Joshua..." I said turning away.
I pushed Joshua gently away.
"Because we have to think, Joshua..." I said turning away.
"You are so stubborn..." Joshua sighed. "What about we have to think, Lucien?! What's not clear? You love me and I love you, too! Don't you think that's most important?"
I turned to him.
"Why don't want you understand that I'm feeling very confused? I think you feel the same like I..."
I turned to him.
"Why don't want you understand that I'm feeling very confused? I think you feel the same like I..."
"I'm not confused, baby..." Joshua looked straight at my eyes. He was very serious and so gorgeous... "I know that I love you, I know that I want to be with you, so nothing can make me feel confused..."
"Then why you didn't tell me about your girlfriend, about your addiction?" I said feeling how my voice starts trembling.
Joshua gave a deep sigh.
"I could ask you the same. Who are you, Lucien? What is your past? I know the only thing that you are fucking rich very handsome guy. Do you think it's enough to know about your boyfriend?"
I stepped back a bit unwittingly. Joshua's words scared me and reminded that Dexter was first who knew what I am although I didn't tell him my real name and didn't show him how I look without my disguise. I felt that I wasn't honest with Joshua again. But my fear to be recognized was stronger than I. I felt helpless and the best what I could do was to cross my arms as if I tried to defend myself and stare at Joshua.
Joshua gave a deep sigh.
"I could ask you the same. Who are you, Lucien? What is your past? I know the only thing that you are fucking rich very handsome guy. Do you think it's enough to know about your boyfriend?"
I stepped back a bit unwittingly. Joshua's words scared me and reminded that Dexter was first who knew what I am although I didn't tell him my real name and didn't show him how I look without my disguise. I felt that I wasn't honest with Joshua again. But my fear to be recognized was stronger than I. I felt helpless and the best what I could do was to cross my arms as if I tried to defend myself and stare at Joshua.
"Why are you silent?" Joshua asked me.
"I... I can't tell you..." I swallowed.
"You can't tell me, but you get offended because I didn't tell you about my ex girlfriend and the gambling?! Sorry, but I don't get you!" Joshua was irritated.
"You don't understand..." I said silently feeling totally desperately. "You just don't know anything... I would like to tell you, but I can't..." I gulped trying to hold my tears.
Joshua gave a deep sigh taking me by hands and pulling to himself.
"Come, my silly..."
"I... I can't tell you..." I swallowed.
"You can't tell me, but you get offended because I didn't tell you about my ex girlfriend and the gambling?! Sorry, but I don't get you!" Joshua was irritated.
"You don't understand..." I said silently feeling totally desperately. "You just don't know anything... I would like to tell you, but I can't..." I gulped trying to hold my tears.
Joshua gave a deep sigh taking me by hands and pulling to himself.
"Come, my silly..."
He turned me and pressed against the wall again. I could felt his breath on my face. He stared at me, there were so many emotions in his gaze...
"Look, baby... I'm neither perfect, nor you are perfect..." He said with a gloomy voice. "But it changes nothing. I love you... Just like you love me. Do you understand me?" Joshua almost whispered his last words making me weak in my knees.
"Look, baby... I'm neither perfect, nor you are perfect..." He said with a gloomy voice. "But it changes nothing. I love you... Just like you love me. Do you understand me?" Joshua almost whispered his last words making me weak in my knees.
"I hope that one day you'll calm down and can forgive me, then we will fix all our mistakes... I really hope it..." He whispered and pressed his lips against mine.
I couldn't help and kissed him back feeling the tears in my eyes.
"Go, please..." I whispered against Joshua's lips and pushed him gently away. "Take your chance and I will take mine..." I turned away trying to hide my face from Joshua.
"Go, please..." I whispered against Joshua's lips and pushed him gently away. "Take your chance and I will take mine..." I turned away trying to hide my face from Joshua.
Joshua said nothing. His answer was a soft touch of his lips I felt on my nape. He pulled from me away and sighed.
"Yes, baby... I'll go..."
I nodded silently.
Joshua looked at me one more time and left. I followed Joshua wih my eyes until he disappeared on the horizon.
"Yes, baby... I'll go..."
I nodded silently.
Joshua looked at me one more time and left. I followed Joshua wih my eyes until he disappeared on the horizon.
Then I slumped on the floor and burst into tears like I wasn't crying long time.
I was alone again.